For those of you who know our story, we haven't always been able to do grand activities for our anniversary. We are lucky to steal a quick night away most years. In fact, last year we took our children WITH us on our anniversary weekend. To my delight, this year was different.
This year we decided we were going to splurge. We went to Stillwater. We opted for the whole package. My hubby sprung for a suite at the bed and breakfast. They left chocolate and a rose in our room. We left the B&B early enough to walk down by the water, and enjoy our 5 course meal at the dock cafe. To top it all off, just as darkness set in, we met our gondolier at the dock. Yes, that's right, our gondolier. The gondola was actually imported from Venice. I don't know if I'm going to be able to put my gondola experience into words. It was...trancendant.
I'm feeling the need to explain. before I go on....You see, there have been times over the last years where I have wondered if the God of the universe, whom I have no doubt loves me more than I could ever imagine, really cares if I'm happy or not. I know it might sound weird, but I didn't know. I didn't really get how he wouldn't just rescue me from my situation, or even from my pain if he loved me so much. There's so much to this, and I'm really sticking my neck out there on this post. I guess where I've landed on that whole question, is that God's posture toward me is much like my posture with my own kids. I want my children to be happy. I do. I just don't want happiness to be what it's all about. There's more to life than happiness I guess. There's more substance to be had. There's often a bigger picture. There are often hard things to learn, and wounded places to redeem. Sometimes he is more concerned with our process, and what that fire does to us, and who he hopes to see us become.
Sometimes though, I think God must feel like I do with my kids. I just want to say, "Yes!" sometimes. I just want them to find joy in the delight I have for them. Not always, but enough for them to know I really, really like them. I feel like this weekend was that for me. I felt a true sense that God wanted to show me his tender love for me. He wanted to give me this gift, because he loves me.
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2 comments:
I'm a little late reading this . . .
I totally resonate with you, Tami. You know that I feel the same.
I also read the post thinking, did John feel slighted? He planned the weekend? But God gets the credit?
I'm very happy that you got your gondola.
Hmmm... I guess how I felt was more than the sum of the parts. I was thankful that my husband planned, but even more thankful for my peaceful heart, and the perfect weather, which we couldn't have planned or asked for. Most of all, there was just this remarkable place of calm between my husband and I. That was the real gift. I've had weekends where you plan all the best stuff, and the experience doesn't measure up. This one just did.
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