I've realized I mostly worry about being inconvenienced. Truly. When I worry lately, I worry about things that would be hard, but not insurmountable. For instance, we are currently unable to pay for the electric and water on one of our rental properties. We have renters in the property that need that electricity and water. I don't like to think about all the logistics of what we may need to do to pay the bill, or what it would mean to leave it unpaid. Either option is extremely inconvenient for me.
I worry about not being able to afford our house payment at some point. It is a valid concern to be considered, granted. With the mortgage industry what it is, our type of loan what it is, and our credit what IT is, there is a possibility that we may loose our house at some point. Is that a big deal? Yes. It would be hard for me. I like our house. We have learned to function fairly well here. I like our neighborhood, and our community. It would be extremely inconvenient to move out. The logistics would be difficult.
That being said, there is a big chunk of my soul that is learning this truth: My house is not eternal. I serve a God that is bigger than our difficulties. I desire his perspective for my life FAR MORE than I desire to stay in this house. I desire to grow in showing his character FAR MORE than I desire life to be easy. We are on a hard path in many ways. Some of the difficulties have come because of our choices, and some have come by living life. Regardless, my story is one of hope. I have a God who chooses to show up for ME. He chooses to encourage my heart with his love, mercy and compassion. Among other ways, he does this through friends and family, through his word, and through the simple everyday blessings he opens my heart to.
At a doctor's visit with a lovely Dr. from Africa, she told my daughter (who was afraid that I would have to leave the room), "No one is going to take you away from your mama. There are other children in other countries who will not go to bed with their mamas tonight, but not you. You are a very lucky girl. You can hang onto your mama's hand as tightly as you want. You are safe." It was a truth that landed heavy on me. Maybe it was her soothing tone, thick with accent that spoke the tales of those distant lands straight to my heart. I prayed for those children that night, the ones without their mamas. My heart was, and still remains, heavy for them.
A dear friend who is older than I loves to tell me, "Here in the United States we live in Disneyland all the time. Most people who want to, will eat tonight. We have all kinds of help available, even for people who don't have anything. This too shall pass."
Crazy maybe, but that actually does help me. She's not being flippant. She knows me. She loves me. She offers those words up because even if "the bottom falls out" somehow, she wants us to know we WILL still be o.k. We have lots of people who love us. We are truly blessed.
Although I'm far from "knowing the secret to being content in every situation", I'm trying to keep my heart close to the one who does. When I'm truly living "in the story" that he lays out, somehow the worry looses its grip. I might need you all to remind me again, but I think today is a good day.
Peace to you today friends. Peace to your heart.
4 comments:
I love you, friend... thank you for sharing your heart as you walk this road. It is a tough one, from many angles, and I rejoice that He's giving you peace in this moment. The Disneyland quote sounds familiar; we must have the same "friend"... :-)
I love you, my dear. In some things, you are too much the optimist for me. Like today, when my daughter woke up your house and you kept saying, "It's okay, it's okay." It just had to be, didn't it? From a pessimist like me, it looks like lying. But your optimism has carried you far and will carry you farther. And you'll get there. My dear, you will get there and how good it will be.
I cut and pasted this quote from your post "...there is a big chunk of my soul that is learning this truth: My house is not eternal. I serve a God that is bigger than our difficulties. I desire his perspective for my life FAR MORE than I desire to stay in this house. I desire to grow in showing his character FAR MORE than I desire life to be easy."
Thank you friend, for proclaiming this. For standing on truth, and pointing to God in such an honoring and trusting way. I know you have been on a LONG and difficult road for quite some time. Blessed are you for persevering, and looking to the One who will not ever let you go. You are safe. Love you.
How lucky am I? Three women dear to my heart made a comment on my first post that revealed a deep part of me.
Vonda - The very same friend. She's awesome!! Thanks for being aware, and walking with me.
Michelle - Thanks for your comments. BTW -It WAS o.k. that your pumpkin woke others. They do that. I love her regardless, and am able to see it for what it was. I'm glad she knows she is safe here, and that she can call for me when she needs me. I'll excuse her for not being aware of my desire for a rest time!
Kara Jo- Thank You. The comment "You are safe" rang very true and made me teary. We're not "safe" in the sense the world means sometimes, but in a far more significant way. Thanks for reminding me.
Post a Comment